Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i jhust puked up my retainher.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
