don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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