i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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