return my video game
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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