I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
