so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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