Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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