I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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