____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
