Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
