Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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