apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
