sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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