i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
