I think I won the penis lottery.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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