I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
