happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
