somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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