We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
