bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
