its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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