If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
