the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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