you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
