Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
