You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
