did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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