She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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