Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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