Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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