Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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