my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
