the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
