After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dignity is for republicans.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
