I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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