normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
