Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im just a social blackout drinker.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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