They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
