I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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