sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
