Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
where are you?
Hypothermia
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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