john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
