clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
