My liver just broke up with me...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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