Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
