i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
