I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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