I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
