So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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