i barfeds in our rink
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
