I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
