I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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