Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
