My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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