Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
