my being single is dangerous.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
