this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
