I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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