What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
