saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
