so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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