I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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