just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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