I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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