he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
