I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
