My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
