im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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