I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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