i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
