Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize