I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she peed on how many people?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
