he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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