I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
