yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
