So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
