four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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