he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
