That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
