Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
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