We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
