Someone shit on the floor
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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